LITTLE KITTY

One day a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.

"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.



DEPRESSION

I was depressed last night so I call Lifeline.
Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan.
I told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.



COME BACK KID

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.

"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.

The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


CHOICES

It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline.

"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.

"What are my choices?" John asked.

"Yes or no," she replied.


TURKEYS

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkey get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."